#cs go tricks

[unopenablebox]

came home at 8:45 from work and 🌸 was already fast asleep fully dressed on the bed phone in hand completely unresponsive to sound including name-calling and loud floor creaks

probably they were planning to get more work done this evening but i'm going to sabotage that by turning their light off and ordering takeout so i don't make any cooking noises to wake them up, hopefully causing them to get up to a full 12 hours of sleep for what i think would be the first time in two and a half years

[cybilbennettgf]

🖊 + ⚔🩸faustina🩸⚔

FAUSTINA was gifted her name by his holiness escribar. she was an orphan and didn’t have one, so he gave her the name faustina, which means “fortunate”— which. is ironic. because she certainly is not fortunate. he thought so as a sick joke, of course.

how fortunate for her to have been found and given purpose, praise the miracle, etc etc but she is NOT living laughing or loving cs she’s in a constant state of having to prove herself and not once has it worked in her favor. the single time that it does is when she’s DYING.

[deeisace]

.

[nartouthere]

35 Pro Tips to DOMINATE in CS2

[ponett]

In Portal 3, we’re finally going to get to see Cave Johnson’s cave.

due to valve's flat structure it's hard to get production rolling on any new games unless you have a really exciting idea that makes people want to switch gears from dota or cs or whatever, but i definitely think cave johnson hole pics would do the trick

[loafysainz]

the parent trap (remake) | CS 55

cast: carlos sainz x fem!reader

warn: 100% fiction & remake

next chap

Part 18 The Wine Memories

The blaring sound of a car horn echoed through the driveway, pulling Y/N away from whatever she had been doing. She rushed outside, her face lighting up as soon as she spotted the familiar car pulling in. Carlos was here—and with the kids.

"They’re back!" Y/N called out enthusiastically, practically skipping to the car. Her bright greeting was met with a chaotic mix of smiles and groans from the kids inside. " Hello? Your back so soon? Did you have fun?"

Mattia, sitting in the front seat, didn’t miss a beat. "We’ll be punished for a whole year," he said, deadpan, as he turned his head toward Y/N.

"Not a year," Carlos cut in, hauling a few bags from the backseat. "Just until today. Now, out of the car. All of you."

Y/N tilted her head, a mix of amusement and confusion on her face. "What?" she asked, before quickly scanning the car. Something—or rather someone—was missing. Her stomach sank slightly. "Where’s Meredith?"

Matheo, already halfway up the stairs with Mattia in tow, casually glanced over his shoulder. "Oh, we played a little prank on her, and... well, we think she down a little."

“little?” Carlos interrupted, incredulous.

Matheo chimed in, his voice dripping with mock seriousness. “Well, she might be a little upset.”

Y/N blinked, struggling to hold back a laugh as she watched Matheo walk away. Her parenting instincts told her she should probably look a little more concerned, but the corner of her lips betrayed her.

Carlos stared at them both, chuckle a bit. “A little upset?”

Carlos, now climbing the stairs with a handful of bags, glanced at Y/N and shook his head in disbelief. "Can you believe it?" He held up a small object in his hand—a ring. "She threw this at me! At least it’s smaller than the plant you once threw at my head."

Y/N immediately tried to look remorseful, but the smile tugging at her lips made it impossible to sell the act. "I’m sorry," she said, her tone light and playful. "This is totally my fault. If I hadn’t suggested she’d come—."

“Suggested?” Carlos cut in, eyebrows raised. “More like tricked.” he shot Y/N a knowing glance.

Y/N placed a hand on Carlos’s arm, an apologetic smile on her face. "Carlos, I’m really sorry."

Carlos opened his mouth to respond, but Mattia, from the top of the stairs, beat him to it. "Yeah, we feel that way too, sorry dad" he said with exaggerated guilt, his tone dripping with dramatics.

Carlos groaned. “Like mother, like son,” he mumbled, trying not to smile. “Go. Upstairs. Now.”

The twins didn’t argue. They bolted up the stairs, their laughter trailing behind them.

Carlos watched them go, leaning against the banister with a faint smile. “I really need to remember to thank them one day,” he muttered sarcastically.

*******

With a sigh, Carlos leaned against the balcony railing, looking out at the garden below. "Anyway," he started casually, "where’s Chessy? I’m starving."

Y/N joined him at the railing, mirroring his relaxed posture. "Oh, Chessy and Martin? They went out for a picnic yesterday."

Carlos blinked, turning his head slowly to give Y/N a look. "Since yesterday?"

Y/N nodded, biting back a laugh.

Carlos shook his head, his voice dripping with disbelief. "Who would’ve thought? Chessy and Martin... together. What a couple." He let out a small laugh, his mind clearly wandering for a moment.

"So," Y/N said, turning to Carlos. "What do you want to eat?"

Carlos shrugged, his expression casual. "I don’t know... got anything on your mind?"

Y/N rubbing her hair, thinking. "Well, I know how to make pasta."

Carlos grinned. "Pasta sounds amazing."

Y/N perked up at the praise, her face breaking into an easy smile. "Alright, pasta it is."

****

Carlos opens his twin rooms, Matheo, tilted his head as he tried to hide a grin. “Hey, Dad. Wow you look nice today. Are you going somewhere?” he asked, testing the waters.

Mattia, cast a quick glance at his father. His lips twitched with amusement as he exchanged a knowing look with his twin brother.

Carlos, ever the composed figure, merely smiled as he closed the door behind him. “Sleep well boys,” he said, his tone as calm as the evening breeze. He left no room for questions, only a parting warmth that lingered in the air.

The boys high-fived as soon as he was out of sight, their silent celebration proof that everything was going according to plan.

Meanwhile, Carlos led Y/N into the heart of his winery, the space exuding warmth and history. “Welcome to my little sanctuary,” he announced, his voice carrying a blend of pride and excitement.

Y/N’s eyes widened as she took in the rows upon rows of meticulously arranged wine bottles. The sheer variety and care put into the display left her momentarily speechless. “This is… beautiful,” she said softly, her voice almost reverent. “It feels warms.”

Carlos’s smile, his pride evident. “Thanks. This place took me quite a while to build,” he admitted, a hint of nostalgia creeping into his tone. Y/N nodded, her gaze flitting from bottle to bottle, each label carrying a story she longed to uncover. “You must have so many memories here.”

“Want to see my favorite?” Carlos asked, a mischievous glint in his eye.

Y/N returned the smile, intrigued. “It would be a pleasure, Carlos.”

They walked through the cellar, Y/N trailing slightly behind as she admired the collection. Some bottles were dusted with age, others gleamed with a recent polish. The air was thick with the scent of oak barrels and the faintest hint of fermented grapes.

“Ah wait, look at this one,” Carlos said, stopping to retrieve a bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon. He held it up with a gentle reverence. “This was one of the first wines we ever produced. It’s a piece of history.”

Y/N’s lips curved into a soft smile. “You must have been so proud when it all came together.”

“More than proud,” Carlos replied, placing the bottle back on the shelf with care. “It was a dream come true.”

They moved further down the aisle until Y/N stopped, pointing at a bottle of Chardonnay. “What about this one?”

Carlos chuckled, a warm, hearty sound. “Ah, that’s my families favorites. Once we drank an entire bottle at Matheo’s birthday party.”

Y/N laughed along but felt a pang in her chest. The mention of Matheo brought back bittersweet memories. She had missed so much of her son’s childhood. Despite her efforts, the divide between them often felt insurmountable.

“Come on, there’s one more I want to show you,” Carlos said, his voice pulling Y/N back to the present. He led them to a quieter section of the cellar, where the bottles seemed to glow faintly under the dim lighting.

“This is where I keep my private stash,” Carlos said proudly, gesturing to the bottles neatly arranged like soldiers in formation.

Y/N smirked. “Meaty?”

Carlos shrugged. “What can I say? I’m a man of limited interest.” But there was a glimmer of humor behind his words.

“Y/N.” Carlos carefully pulled out a bottle, holding it as if it were a delicate treasure. Y/N’s breath caught in her throat as she recognized it immediately.

“It’s the wine from our wedding,” Carlos said softly. “Your favorite ever since.”

The words hung in the air like an unspoken confession. Y/N’s gaze flicked between the bottle and Carlos. She struggled to find the right words, her throat tightening. “You still have it?” she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

Carlos nodded, his eyes never leaving Y/N. “I remember every moment of our life together. Sometimes, I come down here, open a bottle, and let the memories wash over me.”

Y/N felt his composure slipping. She blinked rapidly, trying to push back the tears that threatened to spill. “I… I remember those moments too,” she admitted, her voice cracking.

Carlos stepped closer, the space between them shrinking. “We could have a drink together. Right now,” he offered gently.

The moment felt too tender, too much for her to process. She turned away slightly, blinking. “You okay?” he asked, watching her carefully.

Y/N smiled, but it was tinged with sadness. She looked down, a single tear escaping despite her efforts. She wiped it away quickly, pretending it was nothing. “Yeah, I’m fine. Really. It’s just the wine cellar… it’s dusty,” she said with a forced chuckle.

Carlos wasn’t convinced. “Y/N, you don’t always have to be so strong. Not with me.”

Y/N shook her head, her voice barely steady. “What would I do, actually?”

The air between them was thick with unspoken emotions. They stood close enough to feel each other’s breath, their gazes locked in a moment that felt both eternal and fleeting.

But before anything could be said or done, the glare of headlights spilled into the cellar. A car door slammed, breaking the spell.

“That must be Chessy,” Y/N murmured, stepping back as if the light had snapped her out of a dream.

Carlos nodded slowly, his expression unreadable. “She has keys to the house.”

Y/N turned away, wiping at her face one last time before heading toward the exit. “Is anybody home?” Chessy’s voice called out from outside.

Carlos watched Y/N’s retreating figure, a mix of regret and longing etched across his face. “Yes, we’re coming up,” she finally replied, his voice carrying up the stairs.

As the sound of footsteps faded, Carlos looked down at the bottle in his hands. With a heavy sigh, he returned it to its place on the shelf, leaving behind more than just the wine.

prev chap

omg tomorrow is the ending guysssss 😭😭 tbh I want to post the ending today but I need the revise it, I feel like I'm still not fully satisfied with the result. So, I post this one first instead—hope you all like it! Thank you so much guyss for the wait 🤍

[hwaslayer]

wildfire (cs) | four.

—spotify playlist | series masterlist

—summary: assistant professor in bioengineering, incredibly attractive, lonely and divorced; that’s how most people describe san. but despite the events that have happened in his life, san has a lot going for himself. he’s a successful, sought out professor due to his brilliant contributions to science at just an early age of 32. he worked hard to get where he was now; head deep into his research, his publications, building his lab and creating a name for himself. everything was good and smooth sailing— until it wasn’t. because when he meets you, a bioengineering grad student interested in rotating in his lab, he finds himself ready to risk all the blood, sweat and tears he put in throughout the years just to keep you close— his need for you spiraling out of control like a wildfire.

—pairing: asst. professor!choi san x grad student!f. reader

—genre: (18+ - minors dni) strangers to lovers, grad school au | fluff, angst, eventual smut

—word count: 5.4k

—chapter content/warnings: cussing, mature language/sexually implied content, oc is getting whiplash from prof. choi's lab culture lmao, very vague/general descriptions of mice research work, prof. choi to the rescue fr,  lots and LOTS of tension, yes i promise the ending counts as foreshadowing because shit will hit the roof in 5!!

A couple of days later, you and Sunwoo are finally putting the newly built behavior rig to use. A couple of days later, you find yourself becoming way too distracted by Professor Choi.

A couple of days later, Sunwoo is asking you to text your professor about some mice issues?

"Can you do me a favor?" Sunwoo pouts. "Pretty please?"

"What?" You tease and cross your arms.

"Can you take a picture and text it to Professor Choi? Ask him if it's okay to move forward with the vet's recommendations for the mice?"

"Text him?" Sunwoo looks at you and nods, flashing you Professor Choi's number on his own phone screen.

"We usually text him if it's something really urgent and needs his attention."

"You guys don't just do this in a Slack chat or something?"

"Trust me, he's probably the worst with Slack. I don't even think the guy has it downloaded on his phone so it's easily accessible." Sunwoo chuckles. "Y/N, I promise. It's fine. I'm not setting you up for trouble." You let out a small sigh and pull out your phone to take pictures. You're not really sure why you're hesitant, it definitely was a thing in Professor Bahng's lab, too. You're probably just used to the older cohorts of professors that required everything to be sent through email, Slack maybe. The new wave? Definitely a bunch of texters.

you: hi professor choi, this is y/n! i'm with sunwoo and he asked me to send this picture to you of one of our mice. the vet said he's really sick and we should go with a different treatment plan for it. it'll cost a little more if we do, but it should help get the mouse back on track. can we move forward?

San is paused mid-workout when he gets your text, sweat dripping down from his forehead when he zooms into the picture, analyzes a bit and lets out a sigh.

prof. choi: yes please!

you: got it!

prof. choi: could i trouble you and sunwoo to make sure there aren't any other sick mice?

you: of course! sorry about that. ☹️

prof. choi: all good, it happens! no need to apologize for anything. thank you. ☺️

prof. choi: also, can you have him charge it to our outreach account? he'll know and could probably pass along the finance info to you.

you: of course!

prof. choi: 😬

"He said it's fine and to charge it to the outreach account." Sunwoo raises his brow.

"He answered you already? I thought we'd have to make rounds in this room before he responded."

"Yeah?"

"Jeez, what's the trick? I feel like I have to bombard him sometimes."

"I literally just got here, I have no trick." You laugh.

"Sure." Sunwoo laughs and shrugs it off. "Anyway, sounds good! Thanks. Let's go take care of these mice and make sure the rest are fine."

"He said that, too."

"Figured! Always gotta be one step ahead of him. That's the only way to survive here." You laugh and follow Sunwoo deeper into the mice room, looking through the rest of the mice to make sure none of them are as sick. You help him wean a couple and split them into different cages, the last half of the walkthrough consisting of making sure everything else looks good. When you get back to the basement, you spend a bit of time helping Belle before starting on the first half of your behavior experiment with Sunwoo. It's a lot of work spent in a dark room, surrounded by bright computer lights— time moves quick, but your energy drains quicker.

When you finally catch a break after the past few hours of working alongside of Sunwoo, you wander down the halls to head to the bathroom and get a snack. You freshen up after relieving yourself, feeling a bit icky after being in a stuffy room, the stuffy basement, all afternoon. You prance over to the vending machine down the hall, grabbing some peanut m&ms to munch to satisfy your sweet tooth. Just as you turn the hall to walk back towards the office, Professor Choi walks out of one of the rooms, damn near colliding with you once again.

"Woah, hey. Sorry." He says, his arm out in case of any minor collisions.

"You're good, Professor Choi." He smiles, eyes shifting down to the bag of m&ms in your hand. 

"Sweet tooth?"

"Need some sugar. Been cooped up with the rooms with Sunwoo."

"You're gonna take a break, right?"

"I will." You give him a toothless smile. "Sorry about texting you earlier. Sunwoo said it was fine, but I don't know. I still feel bad somehow." Professor Choi laughs before shaking his head.

"It really is fine, I promise you Y/N. Especially in that case. You can text or call me for emergency purposes." You pause, unsure how to respond. "I mean it."

"Okay, okay." You chuckle. "I will." He smiles at you before clutching his laptop close to his hip and checking his watch.

"Good. I'll see you later, gotta run off to prepare for this symposium with Professor Bahng."

"Symposium?"

"Mhm. He's leading one next month."

"Are you doing a talk?" He nods.

"Yeah unless he boots me out of the agenda for whatever reason." You giggle and shake your head. "You'll be there whenever it happens, right?"

"Yeah, of course. Can't miss that."

"Good answer." He smirks. "And Y/N?"

"Mhm?"

"Hope that's not gonna be dinner for you. Don't skip meals on me, please." You silently nod, waving him off before turning on your heel to head back to your desk.

That same evening, you have never been so grateful for having listened to a professor. It was such a tiny detail when Professor Choi told you to save his number for emergency purposes, and here you are experiencing said emergency purpose. 

You were wrapping up your behavior experiment in one of the lab rooms, excited to finally leave the small room and the darkness behind. You had set your mice down on the cart, taking a few notes on an index card to jot into your lab notebook later on— which, you probably shouldn't have left your notebook in the office area in the first place. You needed to reference something mid-note-taking about the mouse's behavior, but you couldn't. When you decided to run out and grab your notes, the door handle flew off and locked you inside.

Fuck.

You tried your best not to panic, but the room felt like it was closing in on you with how small the space was. How dark the room was, felt like it was getting darker by the minute despite the computers giving off light in the far corners. Trapped between these behavior rigs and the gazillion computers, microscopes and lasers. There was no way to re-attach the handle, or so you couldn't see any possible way, and there was nothing that could help you unlock the door from the inside. The worse part of it all is that none of your texts or calls to Sunwoo are going through due to the sucky ass service in the basement, and you know he's busy doing some neuron culturing off in the wetlab room nearby.

He's definitely not checking his phone, and he's probably not going to check on you anytime soon.

Your mind immediately goes to Professor Choi next. It could be a long shot, but you decide to pace the room, hoping the call could go through at some point. This could be considered an emergency purpose, right? He wouldn't think you're silly for contacting him because of a door handle, no?

You definitely should save the facilities and security numbers, too.

"Hello?"

"Oh. Hi!" You're wide-eyed when the call actually goes through in this one spot of the room, Professor Choi's sultry, deep voice picking up on the other end.

"Hey Y/N. Everything alright?"

"Um, no? I'm kinda embarrassed to say this but I'm stuck in the W072 behavior room. The door knob inside flew off so I can't even open the door." He smiles to himself before letting out a small breath.

"Sorry, yeah. That door's been having major issues. I'll have to ask facilities what's going on with that. I'll be over in about 5 minutes."

"I'm so sorry. I really am embarrassed, I hope I'm not pulling you from—"

"You don't need to worry." He chuckles. "You're not pulling me away from anything. I could use the break anyway. Be there for you soon. Hang tight for me, hm?" You bite onto your bottom lip and nod as if he can see you.

"Mmkay. Thank you."

"You're welcome." And with that, the call ends. You're awkwardly sitting on the computer chair in the dark room, nothing but the sounds of computers whirring in the background; sounds of the mice scrambling around their cages, a little desk lamp and the computers the only source of light. You barely have service down here, and you're eternally grateful the call actually went through to Professor Choi's phone. 

You'd be stuck here until Sunwoo decides to randomly pop in, if he randomly pops in. Until who fucking knows when, really.

Professor Choi arrives within that 5 minute mark, and he startles you by the way he swings the door open. He's wearing a Stussy shirt and jeans, sporting that same, dimpled smile of his that you're finding is becoming a weakness for you. 

"Hey you." He says. "You okay?"

"Yeah, thank you." You stand, the broken door handle in hand. "Uh, I have this?" He laughs before wedging the small trash can in between the door frame and the door itself.

"Let me see." He says, gently taking the door handle from your hand. You watch from behind as he crouches down to see if he can temporarily re-attach the damn thing. I mean truthfully, he is also trying to look useful and attractive in front of you somehow. Even though he doesn't know what the fuck is going on. "Uh." He hums, making you giggle.

"Maybe you should leave it for facilities." He turns to you with a playful glare.

"Saying I can't fix it?"

"I mean, doesn't look like it." He playfully tuts and stands, setting the door handle aside. "We might both get stranded here."

"That wouldn't be too bad, now would it?" He looks at you with such a shit-eating smirk, it causes you to shy away and release eye contact before you break. "But, you're right. There are things I'm better off with and that's not fixing door handles." He pouts and you shake your head.

"We can't always be great at everything, Professor Choi." You tease.

"Yeah." He lets out a small laugh. "Were you finished in here?"

"Uh, yeah. I just need to put the mice away." You lazily point at the cart behind you with a few cages sitting on top.

"Let me help."

"Oh no, I promise, I'm okay."

"I wanna." He slips on some gloves and starts dragging the cart towards the opposite end of the behavior room where the mice are housed. They sit behind blackout curtains and on ventilated shelves, some sitting a bit higher up that require a small step-stool to reach. You start setting the cages into their open spots in the middle row, but the last three need to be placed on the very stop shelf. "Where do these guys go?"

"Up there." You point and he smiles, grabbing two of the cages for you. 

"Got you. Careful, your head. I'm gonna reach over." He says from right behind you, his long arms reaching above to slip them into the open slots. You freeze, eyes watching him grab the last cage and slip it onto the shelf. "Good?" You turn to face him. He's still standing in the same position, not giving you much room to work with in this tiny corner.

"Mhm." You look up at him and god, does he like looking at you from this angle. "Thank you, Professor Choi."

"You're welcome." He matches your soft tone. With how close you are, you can smell his cologne lingering in the air. 

"You're always coming to my rescue."

"I don't mind. I'd do it again if I needed to." He ticks his head to the side. "Gotta give Sunwoo a little talk about not taking care of you properly."

"He's doing a very good job, I promise." You don't know what the hell comes over you, but you tap him against the chest lightly— and you almost lose it. First, out of embarrassment, but second, because of how firm his chest felt. You knew he worked out, but damn; you were wondering how well built and toned he actually was. He doesn't do anything, though. He's still looking at you with a small smile etched on his lips. You can tell he's having a slight internal debate on whether or not he should also tease and play around. 

He knows he can't. Doesn't mean he won't.

"Oh yeah?" He starts as he steps a little closer to test the waters. His eyes are flicking across your features as if he's trying to study you and study you well. It's a bit obvious he's itching to do something— brush your hair back, put a hand on your waist. Something, anything—

"Yo, you all good in there?" You hear Sunwoo's voice at the door, causing you to abruptly step aside and wipe your sweaty palms down your pants. "Oh shit, woah! Professor Choi out in the wild! What's going on?" Sunwoo fully steps into the behavior room and places his hands on his hips, San giving off a hearty laugh at his comment.

"The door handle flew off." Is all you say while pointing at it sitting on the edge of the table. "I tried calling and texting you but none of them went through. Professor Choi had to come save me." Sunwoo nods nonchalantly. Luckily, it doesn't seem like he thinks anything is strange or odd. Definitely didn't catch you two being only inches away from each other, damn near pressed up against one another. You're curious as to what Professor Choi would've done next, and now, you may never know.

Welp.

"The hell did you do?" Sunwoo laughs. "Just started and already breaking things?" He teases.

"You know that door's been an issue since forever." San chimes in.

"I know, I'm just teasing." You roll your eyes. "Anyway, are you all good in here?"

"Mhm. I uploaded everything onto the server."

"Sweet. I'll take a look in a bit." You watch Sunwoo as he starts to leave the room, grabbing your notebook and laptop from the other table before following suit.

"Thank you again, Professor Choi." You give him a cute smile that he finds himself admiring, being last to leave the room.

"Of course, Y/N. I'll come save you any time you need me to." You let out a small laugh before shaking your head and catching up to Sunwoo. He bites onto his bottom lip as he sheds off his gloves and tucks his hands into his pockets, letting the both of you be as he heads back into his office. Once he's inside, he lets out a hefty sigh and pinches the bridge of his nose because fuck.

He needs to control himself better.

"Fuck." He finally says outloud, slightly stressed over you and those pretty eyes. 

Pretty lips. 

Pretty smile. 

He plops back down onto his office chair, shaking off the thoughts before proceeding to check his inbox and review his final draft of the progress report. He needed to find any distraction right now; his thoughts, judgment even, slowly being clouded by you.

—FLASHBACK

"I think I'm getting this all wrong." You rest your head on the library table, reviewing your journal club presentation lazily.

"Why do you think that, Y/N? The way you interpret the paper is gonna make sense to the lab. Journal club is meant for you guys to build off of it and have a discussion." Jiung continues to work on his homework across from you.

"I know, I'm just nervous for some reason."

"Then just send your email to Professor Choi to see if he'll go over it with you. Give you peace of mind." You sigh.

"Yeah. He's probably gonna be so done with me after the past few days." Jiung snorts.

"Imagine if he hadn't saved you." His laugh grows. "How the fuck would you have gotten out?"

"I'd like to believe that Sunwoo would have at least checked on me." He nods.

"Yeah, maybe. Glad you're okay, though. What did Professor Choi say?" You shrug, completely [and obviously] leaving out the details about the close moments you've had with him.

"Nothing. He just came to get me and that was it." Jiung nods silently, giving you the opportunity to type away on Outlook to send Professor Choi an email.

From: yn@atz.edu To: choisan@atz.edu Hi Prof. Choi, Do you have some time to go over the paper I chose for journal club on Monday? I just want to make sure I'm getting the format and processes right. Here's my presentation attached. Best, Y/N

You minimize the window and continue to work on other things, hoping you can meet with Professor Choi and talk about it soon—

To: yn@atz.edu From: choisan@atz.edu Sure! We can go over it tomorrow if you'd like? 11am good?  - San

"He responded." Jiung hums as a response.

"Nice. What did he say?"

"We can meet tomorrow to go over it."

"See, that's good! I'm sure it'll be fine, but at least you can get Professor Choi's input for your first journal club." You nod.

"Yeah. Hopefully it is fine."

—END

You take your knuckles to the surface of Professor Choi's door, giving it a good two, three soft knocks before you hear a faint 'come in' from the other side. You swing the door open, finding Professor Choi diligently typing away as he sits at his desk. His brows are tightly knit together, and he's wearing a simple white button-up; but today, he's got black glasses sitting on the bridge of his nose.

"Hey Y/N." He says. "Sorry, give me a sec. I just need to respond to this email really quickly."

"No worries." You sit on the couch. "Take your time." His lips curve into a small smile just as he types away, then clicks to send it off. 

"Alright. Hi." He smiles his usual, dimpled smile, black strands framing his forehead. "How's it going?"

"Good. How about you?"

"I'm alright, can't complain." He chuckles. "So, you wanted to talk about journal club? I checked your powerpoint and everything seemed fine. What's wrong?"

"I just feel like I'm not getting it right."

"Why do you think that way? You know, journal club is for us to discuss the paper as a lab. You don't have to get everything right, Y/N."

"But, still." You pout and San almost melts into a puddle in his seat. Fuck, he thinks. This is gonna be difficult. "I just wanna make sure I'm at least getting the process or the concept of the paper correct." Professor Choi stands and walks around his desk and it's your turn to internally lose it. He's got on black slacks but they fit him so well— his outfit fits him so well, you don't think you've ever seen someone built so.. perfectly.

"Wanna walk though it?" You barely hear the question as your eyes continue to [subtly] glaze over his figure, and he surely catches on.

How much more obvious can you be?

Well, how could he not know how attractive he is? Him and his friends are a consistent, hot topic on campus.

He's so damn fine. He knows it.

"Y/N?" He leans back against the edge of his desk, snapping you out of your thoughts. He's got a leg crossed over the other, arms crossed tightly against his chest. His head is tilted while he watches you, an amused smirk tugging at the corner of his lips while you shift your eyes back up to meet his. You're sure you aren't seeing things. You're almost positive Professor Choi's subtly feeding into this, right? "Lost you there?" 

"Yes. Sorry." You purse your lips together. "Got distracted."

"Hm." He hums, licking his lips. "Over what?"

"Nothing." You smile and shrug it off like it's nothing even though it clearly isn't. He knows, and he's not entirely mad about it one bit. It's a relief he's not the only one; question is, who's gonna be the first to break? San knows he can't, and it's a game he hates to play. 

Doesn't mean he won't.

"Didn't seem like nothing."

"Swear." You stand to walk over to the whiteboard on his wall, grabbing a colored marker to start doodling out your thoughts for the journal club paper.

"Lying to me again?" He teases.

"I would never lie to you, Professor Choi." He chuckles, coming behind you as you continue to write. 

"That's nice to know. I hope you know you can tell me anything, though." You pause, letting his words marinate. No, you don't know that. You don't think you can tell him how fine he is or how much you wanna jump his bones, not at all.

"I'm just confused." You continue your writing. The statement goes for a couple of things: the journal club paper, some of the data that you and Sunwoo have from recent behavior work, Professor Choi himself. "I need to know if I'm understanding it correctly." You point to the board, slowly turning over your shoulder to look at him. "I don't wanna misread anything." He subtly bites onto his bottom lip before stepping closer and taking the marker from your hand, drawing a huge circle around your writings.

"You're not." And for San, that statement can also go for a couple of things: your overthinking, the way you feel silly for questioning your understanding of the paper, you. "If it's one thing I can tell you Y/N— it's to not overthink and question every little thing. You'll waste time doing that when you've had it right all along." He looks at you and gives you one final reassurance: "You're not misreading any of this."

"Okay." You respond softly, eyes shifting to his lips and back up to his almond-shaped eyes. For some reason, this no longer feels like it's about the paper. For some reason, it feels like he's telling you he's on the same page, like he wants you just as bad as you want him. For some reason, you no longer feel like you're just delusional and in your feelings— even though, everything about this is completely wrong and against the code. It could fuck everything up for the both of you.

But, you don't care. 

He doesn't either.

"So, tell me again." He clears his throat. You watch his adam's apple bob when he swallows, capping the marker as he sits back on the corner of his desk and looks at you. "What's your understanding about their process?" You continue to write on the board, explaining your understanding of the paper. Professor Choi continues to sit closely behind you, nodding in agreement as you talk him through it. He saw your presentation and he didn't find any flaws with it; he's not sure why you're second guessing yourself when you did everything correctly.

You've done everything perfectly.

"Y/N." He says lowly, almost near your ear. "You've got it down. Don't second guess yourself."

"I can't help it."

"Trust me, don't. You'll make it more complicated than it needs to be. That was perfect. Your presentation was great."

"Should I fix anything?"

"No."

"Professor Choi. Are you lying to me now?" He chuckles.

"Is that what you think of me?" He's fighting with himself, closing his hand into a fist to fight the urge to tuck your hair behind your ear. He continues to keep his eyes on yours, though. "You know I could never do that."

"I'll take your word for it." In the end, you've gotten the reassurance you felt like you needed, you yearned for. But, in the end, you've also grown more confidence— enough to believe that Professor Choi was in the same boat as you. Because he is, he just can't say it out loud right now. This has nothing to do with the lab. His work. Your rotation, your projects.

This is all about you, and just you.

"Good." His tone drops before he checks his phone. He lets out a sigh, a small frown growing on his lips. How the hell did 30 mins go by so fast? "Shit. I gotta run to another meeting." He says softly, eyes quickly shifting around you facial features. "Is it okay if we continue this on the phone later? Just to make sure you've got everything before journal club on Monday?"

"S-sure." You quickly look at his lips, back up to his eyes. "Yeah, sure."

"5pm okay for me to call?"

"Dinner time for you?"

"Mm, not really. Dinner is whenever I feel hungry." You chuckle and nod. "What about you?"

"I can eat after."

"Okay, 5pm."

"Thank you, Professor Choi."

"You're welcome." He smiles toothlessly, watching as you carefully walk past him and grab your things. Again, he fights the temptation to pull you by the waist and press you flush against his body—

Doing things only he can imagine in his head.

"Are you walking out or are you doing a Zoom meeting?" San forces himself to snap out of it, lowly clearing his throat as he walks around and plops onto his computer chair. 

"Zoom. Talk later?" You smile before waving, leaving San to his peace. The tension in the room feels like it's finally gone, finally been lifted. He almost felt a little suffocated in his own office while having you there— but it's only because of how you make him feel, and now obviously, how he makes you feel. He lets out a hefty sigh, taking off his glasses and rubbing at his eyes before hopping into the Zoom call about budgets and the status of his current grants. 

The meeting goes on for so long, it feels like. The whole afternoon is a drag and San feels exhausted by the time it hits 4pm. He's skipping out on the gym today, still a little sore from yesterday's workout. As soon as he wraps up his last meeting, he packs up and leaves, saying goodbye to the one or two heads still lingering in the office area. 

He still has enough groceries at home to make it through to the weekend, so he doesn't take any pitstops on the way home. He lets out a huge sigh when he finally pulls into his garage and parks the car, stepping out of his shoes and setting his bag aside in his office. He jogs upstairs to take a hot, steamy shower— enough to help relieve the stress from the week's activities. He throws on some flannel pajama pants and a white tee, heading back downstairs to throw some salmon and vegetables in the oven before cooking rice. 

While waiting for his dinner to finish, he settles back down in his office and pulls up your contact info from the text thread just as it's about to hit 5pm. He leans back against the chair, listening to the phone ring on the other line.

"Hi." You pick up so sweetly and it immediately brings a smile to San's face despite his long afternoon.

"Hi. Still a good time to talk?" You sit on your couch, presentation popped up on your laptop. 

"Yeah, it is." 

"How was the rest of your afternoon?"

"It was okay. I just finished working with Belle on a few things after our meeting."

"Is that going well?"

"Yeah." You chuckle a bit. "I really like working with Sunwoo and Belle."

"I'm glad to hear that. That's all that matters." He pulls up your presentation, clicking through it as his eyes skim each slide. 

"How was yours, Professor Choi?"

"Ah, well. Really long. But, it's over with." He laughs. "So, I'm skimming through your presentation and everything looks fine. I think the one thing I'll say is, maybe you should add another slide to talk about the results that didn't pan out well. I know we typically don't do stuff like that, but it helps us discuss what went wrong and what they should've done to get the end result they wanted."

"Oh, yeah. I was thinking about that but wasn't sure if I should."

"You definitely should. Remember what I said about not second-guessing yourself?" He says in a light-hearted tone that has you rolling your eyes and holding in a big smile.

"I know, I know." 

"I think the only other thing I'd add is a slide on Figure 2 and 3. It isn't much, but it does relate a lot to what we do in lab. Think you can handle that?"

"Yeah, I can."

"Yeah?" He repeats, sinking into his seat with his legs spread. "Good." He hears you typing away before you sigh, pausing the conversation for a brief moment while you gather your thoughts and take notes.

"What else are you doing this evening, Professor Choi?" You finally break the silence after a few.

"Hm." He hums. "Just talking to you." You can hear the smirk through the phone, see it even. You bite your bottom lip and shift your position on the couch, heat rising to your cheeks— pooling at your core replaying the deep tone he speaks in.

"Nothing else?"

"Don't really need to do anything else while I'm on the phone with you, no." You sit on his statement, hand toying with the string from your sweats. He doesn't need to do anything else because he's on the phone with you? You take it as a compliment, one that has your heart beating through your chest, palms all sweaty again. He was going to be the death of you.

"Y/N! Let's go! I'm hungry!" You hear Felix from the other side of your door, and San does, too. He lets out a silent chuckle, a little sad he's gonna have to let you go eventually.

"Is there anything else I should do?"

"For?" He questions because his mind is running through a million thoughts at once. You are very much talking about journal club, but he's very much thinking about other things; ways to push you and him forward.

"The slides."

"No. That's all, Y/N. It's perfect."

"Thank you."

"Y/N! Please! They have the best menu tonight, we need to go before everyone gets there!" Felix whines, making the rest of your friends laugh as he pounds on the door. "What are you even doing anyway?!"

"I gotta go." You sigh and shut your laptop. "My friends are about to bust my door down." He chuckles.

"Well, hope the call helped, Y/N."

"It did, Professor Choi. All of this did. Thank you again."

"Course. Have a good night." 

"You too." San subtly nibbles on his bottom lip as he hears you breathily respond, the tone and sound of your voice immediately doing things to him. He clears his throat to rid himself of the thoughts, to rid himself of the feeling, distracting himself with the unread emails sitting in his inbox and the random announcements for the week.

Well now, Namjoon's sudden group text with him, Jongho, Christopher, Mingi and Yeosang.

namjoon: my brilliant, all-star fellas

chris: oh lord, what is it?

namjoon: 😀 need ya'll to attend the happy hour event

yeosang: to babysit? yaaaay love this time of the year...... !!

namjoon: lol no, just to hang out! please 🥹 gotta show the students we're involved in student life esp at the start of the new quarter. you know this!

jongho: they run around in our labs and play w/ our equipment

jongho: how much more involved do we need to be exactly

san: 🤣 what're the details again? sorry i totally glazed over that email. it's probably in my trash bin actually

namjoon: all that energy put into announcements just for you to trash it 🫤

namjoon: tomorrow, starts at 7pm at the monroe bar

san: i'll be there

mingi: same

yeosang: 🫡

jongho: 👍🏼

namjoon: knew i could trust my boys!

jongho: make the dean give me and san some real estate

namjoon: putting my phone on dnd now 😅

namjoon: jk yes don't worry, i'll work my magic ok. give me a bit of time, but i got you. 

namjoon: thanks guys, have a good evening!

San lets out a breath when he sets his phone aside and runs a hand down his face, mustering all the energy he has left to get his dinner together and onto a plate. He can't, though. His thoughts are too stuck on you, and the way you look. The way you act around him. The way you sound on the phone.

With how big the welcome back happy hour event tends to be, there's no doubt you'll be there with your friends. And as much as San is excited to see you outside of the lab, enjoying yourself in a bar with your friends—

He knows it's equally, incredibly dangerous for him.

—taglist: @asjkdk @interweab @woojirang @svintsandghosts @cheolliehugs @persphonesorchid @mxnsxngie @jycas @cowboydk @vcutparis @chngbnwf @struggling101 @sanhwalvr @angelqueendom @barbielibra @brown88 @choisansplushie @yunhoswrldddd @hyukssunflower @vickykazuya @lucid-galaxys-world @jaytheatiny @pommelex @thespiffynerd @vixensss @santineez @nopension

[caramelicious-xo]

I said what I said and what I said is what I said trick! now go manifest a mf vacay cs you need it ho 💋

[fleshengine]

A lot of HDG stuff I see boils down to “this would be a fun setup to getting domesticated” and isn’t really an exploration of the world or anything. Like… a human and an affini make a bet that the human won’t last 30 minutes on class Cs without confessing her love, the affini changes the rules to trick the human into getting domesticated, whatever. It’s fine, I liked it, when I was feeling subby earlier it gave me gut tingles.

Maybe I’m just a POS english major and shouldn’t be judging ficlets as harshly as I am but like… where’s the conflict? Where’s the story? What does this say about the world of HDG that affini can do something like that?

I think that’s why I’ve been enjoying Courtship by teagan_the_doll on ao3 so much. It has a predestined ending, we know how this is going to end like with most HDG stuff but in Courtship it is established as being firmly in the far future. It has so much more to say about the world and I think does a great job of doing it. Humans have conversations about their friend who’s a floret now. A human thinks about her own feelings towards being a floret in the future. There even seems to be a nod at the “traditional” HDG story with one of the characters getting domesticated in like a week after a funny encounter with an affini. I’m less than halfway through it and I absolutely love it.

Go read Courship by teagan_the_doll on ao3. NOW

[riyangiis]

EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED !

your best friend has a big game, you nearly die, something you've been waiting for centuries happens in one of the most unexpected moments.. pretty crazy week, right?

pairing , non-idol!yujin x gn!reader

genre , fluff, you deserve it 😓 also crack 😋

word count , 3.6k

warnings , lowercase intended, not proofread, smau included, highschool!au, near death experience, car accident (that's def not an accident), bullying, swearing, ocs, .. reader is implied to be filo? (BANANA KETCHUP ILY), both of them are down bad, yujin plays basketball cs I don't know how to write football games ✌✌, kissing.. well on the cheek, that's all I think..

[ note: this fic is based on another fic, it is recommended to read that one first! ]

[ see more? ] ─ [ og post ]

you hear endless notifications coming from your phone inside your pocket, that's probably yujin. normally you would check it but the red light is so close to disappearing. why is it even here? there were no cars anyways.

3..

2...

1!

you start making your way to the other side of the road as you stare at the white horizontal lines you're walking on.

you start to lose focus until.. did your headphones just die on you? great.

you start to walk slowly as you remove your headphones and keep them in your bag. you hear multiple people honking at one car that is going faster than what the speed limit is supposed to be.

wait a minute.

is that car going..

towards..

you?

you turn your head to see the speeding car that those people got mad at.

"w-WHAT THE FFUUU-"

you drop your headphones that literally cost a whopping 500 plus a shipping fee out of shock and run like you're sonic the hedgehog and you're running away from sirenhead. i'm not exaggerating.

you hear your headphones get crushed by the car as you stop near a street lamp. did you just survive a car accident? but clearly your headphones didn't and took the fall for you. well shit.

you try to take a look at the driver who literally almost killed you.. he looks familiar doesn't he? you just can't seem to remember who it is. the driver owns a car that looks really expensive though..

wait. is your mind playing tricks on you or is that..

EUNKYUNG'S DAD?? THE ONE WHO MADE YOUR BEST FRIEND'S BULLY???

"shit, gotta tell him about this.." you whisper to yourself and grab your phone out of your pocket. it seems like yujin's worried about you not answering right away.. too clingy for a best friend, but you like it though.

"w.. WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY SURVIVED?!"

the loud voice can be heard around the entire first floor. although, nobody really cares. eunkyung always throws tantrums that what seems like a loud scream, loud enough for others to think that she's getting murdered, is just nothing to the people living with her.

her father sighs and tries to reason with his bratty daughter. "listen I was speeding, even I wouldn't have survived that. that [name] is a fast thinker and just ran away like they're the usain bolt."

"ugh.. they always mess up my plans.. CURSE YOU HAN YUJIN AND [NAME]!!!" eunkyung exits the room to go in her own. her father watches as she goes up the stairs looking infuriated. what did he do to raise the definition of brat? the devil herself? he even got dragged in her shenanigans as well..

"there's no way that happened.."

kyungsoo, jiwon's girlfriend, also known as the better kyung, joined the drama session inside yujin's room. she took another piece of popcorn and tossed it inside her mouth. her other hand was playing with jiwon's hair whose head was laying on kyungsoo's lap. "ew.. lovebirds.." yujin muttered.

"yeah also have you guys heard about jiyeon cheating on hiro with-" the entire group of friends was waiting for kyungsoo to finish her sentence but was met with silence. kyungsoo tried to check the box to get more popcorn, she looked inside the box and saw nothing but crumbs.

"um.. there's no popcorn." yujin raised his eyebrow in confusion. "..can't you at least finish your sentence? we're like waiting for a new episode because the last one left us on a big cliffhanger.." kyungsoo gets off yujin's bed and gets the popcorn box with her.

"yeah.. I'm getting more popcorn, you'll have to guess who the mysterious person is!"

"what the? kyungsoo you can't just-" you get cut off as kyungsoo shut the door on you.. sigh, you look at the bed if there's any other food except for popcorn. guess you'll have to follow her and get more snacks. you get off the bed and walk to the door, "[name], where are you going?"

well.. who else would have a deep voice except for your best friend, yujin? you turn to face him and see a worried look.. "uh.. to the convenience store? to buy some snacks?" he sighs, "[name].. you just survived a car accident. and you're going out again? on your own?" he gets up and grabs your hand to drag you back to his bed.

"what the? yujin-" your sentence gets cut off, again.. when yujin yanks you a little aggresively. you held his waist for support, the both of you end up to be in a.. pretty questionable position for friends? yujin ended up being under you, your faces a little too close to each other.

you didn't move a single inch and just stayed in your position, speechless. you can feel your cheeks burning. the room was filled with nothing but silence, and the air conditioner. he looks into your eyes deeply, then your lips for a little bit.. did he just do the triangle method? lord, this boy makes you go crazy..

yujin hand reaches for your face, is he actually going to.. no way.. it's finally happening, well.. maybe you're just delusional. he just removed the stray hair that's blocking your face, but surely that means something? he looks at you and smiles softly. how could you not fall for him?

you decided to break the silence and say something. "uh.. I should um.. go.." you're still blushing after everything that happened, did he do that on purpose? does he know?

"woah.. that was pretty good for a loser like you, yujin."

"what the heck?" yujin turns to see jiwon awake. "I thought you were asleep?" jiwon chuckles at yujin's reaction when he found out that she was awake and saw the entire thing.

"gosh.. you do all that yet you can't confess to them yet. really man? and for the your question I was never asleep, I just got too comfortable in your bed.." yujin can't seem to say something against her knowing that she's right.. "I'll help you."

your day is so not going great.. first you nearly died in a car accident, and yujin.. is just yujin.. that boy.. you recently just got out of yujin's house and currently going to the nearest convenience store to get more snacks. the sun's almost down, meaning that you'll go back home after a few hours. fortunately, you don't have to go to the other side of the road to get to the convenience store.

you get closer to the store, but you start to hear footsteps behind you. it's probably nothing.. but why is it speeding up? you turn around to see who's the mysterious person behind you.. "WHAT THE FU-"

the person jumps at you for a hug. the both of you fall due to the fact that the hug was unexpected, you fall hard on your butt while the person lets go of you. "ouch... who the heck are you..?" you look up to see.. kyungsoo? what's she doing out here?

"..kyungsoo? why are you here?" she looked at you worriedly, that hug was one of the deadliest ones known to man, surviving death counter: 2.. kyungsoo lends you a hand and helps you get up, "I'm so sorry I didn't think it would end up badly.." she apologizes with a very worried look all over her face and holds both of your hands.

you groan at the pain in your butt, the sidewalk isn't the smoothest or flattest one that you've ever seen. it's very far from that actually.. "ow.. still doesn't answer my question though, why are you here?" you ask again incase she forgets.

"uh.. I noticed that we ran out of cheese powder for the popcorn and sour cream powder for the fries, so I went here to get more! also I noticed that the snacks in my house are running out so I decided to buy them too.."

"I see.. let's go now. the next thing you know the store will close.." kyungsoo holds your hand and walks with you to the convenience store.

.. great. you jinxed it. the both of you stare at the store and watch as the owner closes it. no snacks.. no flavor.. what will you do?

"I.. think I can handle popcorn with no flavor..? don't know about fries though.." kyungsoo breaks the silence, she's still staring and the broken sign with blinking letters. ".. just add salt and mix ketchup and mayo for the sauce?" you answer her, she finally turns to look at you in curiosity.

"you can do that? well, that is a.. rather interesting combination.. but I'll try!"

"WAIT!! it's recommended to use banana ketchup.. yujin already has it, I gave one bottle to him because he was curious.."

"hurry up then!!" kyungsoo starts running away from you, suddenly this turns into a race to see who gets to yujin's house the fastest.

for a pretty short time. the both of you are exhausted and sweating.. this sidewalk is also not the best place to run, what's wrong with this sidewalk? are there no good traits about it?

"wait.. [name].. I.. forgot to ask you something.." kyungsoo pauses a lot to catch her breath and also due to the fact that she's.. really exhausted... "huh? .. what is it?" you on the other half.. it's not that bad compared to kyungsoo. she's not the athletic person, she's very far from that.. you're even convinced that she's the opposite of athletic!

"[name] you.. you.. like yujin.. don't you?"

the sudden question caughts you off guard, you feel your heart beating faster. was it that obvious? or did jiwon give up on keeping her mouth shut and told her about it.. either way, avoiding the question makes it even more obvious, so you just admit it. "uh.. yeah.. was it really that obvious?"

"oh.. not really. jiwon just told me." knew it, that girl can't keep herself from telling her girlfriend everything. one of the reasons why almost no one share their secrets to her. "as expected.. she can't control herself when it comes to secrets.."

kyungsoo turns to look at you and smirks, "you and yujin huh.. I got a feeling that he likes you too.." you look away from her to hide your blushing face and your smile. "hey don't get my hopes up.." she giggles at your embarrassment. "okay okay.. but I'm not wrong though?"

"whatever...."

today's the game.. you kept your promise to yujin when you said that you'll make a whole banner to support him, and also be annoyingly loud. unfortunately, your seatmates are from the other school..

currently the game is going well for yujin's team, you decided to take that opportunity to rub it in your seatmates' faces. behind you are jiwon and kyungsoo, you can hear them giggling by you having a fight with strangers from the other school.

you felt the need to fix yourself and go to the bathroom. you stood up and gave the banner to jiwon and kyungsoo, you walked to the bathroom expecting that no one would be there due to the fact that the entire hallway is empty and not a single noise is heard except the game.

you open the door of the bathroom and was met with the most awful person to ever live in this century, eunkyung. what does she want.. she smirks at your annoyed face, "it seems that you got lucky and survived.." you scoff, you get your phone out to ignore her and attempt to make her irritated.

"so you admit that you did it? try to look menacing all you want but you're just revealing your crimes." nice, now she's the one that's annoyed. ".. w-well, that would've been obvious. don't be stupid.." she stutters at her words, almost speechless about her unintended mistake. that's good.. you need to be more annoying and make her expose herself. she's definitely not the brightest person you've seen in the school.

"get your ass out of my way, I didn't go here to see your disgusting face." eunkyung gets offended and gasps dramatically, "should've made father go faster.. you know what, I should've been there with him so that you'd see this disgusting face during the last moments of your life!" she screams at you without thinking about the consequences, you smirk at the girl's stupidity.

you decided to stop having your fun before eunkyung thinks of another way of killing you. "good luck with that.. also, thank you." she stares at you with the word confused all over her face. you make your way towards the door outside. "..for what?" she asked you genuinely, but you never answer.

".. for everything you said." you whispered to yourself. you exit the bathroom and take your phone out, you smiled to yourself and paused the audio recorder.

you finally returned to your chair, you're lucky that you used that audio recorder after learning from your past attempts of trying to screw up eunkyung's evil plans. "[name]! why did you take so long? did you have gallons of pee or something.." jiwon asks you and gives you your huge banner back. "oh it's.. something happened again, I'll tell you later." you look around the place and catch eunkyung at your left staring at you. you sit on your chair and watch the game, well.. specifically yujin.

"your boyfriend is winning by the way.." kyungsoo whispers in your ear to tease you. "hey, he's not my boyfriend.." although you wish he was.. jiwon giggles and follows her girlfriend with teasing you. "yet!" you roll your eyes at them and continue to watch the game.

yujin gets called for a break and returns to his team. you finally get a close up of what he looks like right now, you can clearly see that he's very.. sweaty. to be honest he looks really handsome like that, but you've seen him like this a few times before and you were trying to keep yourself from giggling like a loser who's madly in love with their crush. okay you take that back you are a loser who's madly in love.. you're real lucky that jiwon and kyungsoo are behind you because you're blushing real bad..

he wipes his face and neck with a towel and looks at you. you notice and look away swiftly in shyness, you can feel your heartbeat speeding up and your face turning pink. you attempt to sneak a glance at him but find that yujin is still staring at you, he starts smiling and waves at you. you smile back awkwardly and give him a thumbs up with both of your hands, he chuckles and finally sits down. lord, this boy really makes you crazy.

you see a girl his age hand him a towel for him to wipe his sweat, he smiles at her the.. same way he did at you. what the heck? maybe you were getting your hopes up too much.. you unconsciously furrow your eyebrows and frown slightly as you watch their interaction. wait, why are you even jealous? it's not like it's your business or that you have the right to.. nevermind.

you stop staring at them to prevent yourself from getting even more jealous. you didn't notice yujin staring at you looking all angry, 'maybe I should do this more.. they look cute like that' he thought to himself. you also didn't notice jiwon and kyungsoo giggling at the both of you.

"you were right.. they look so cute together!" kyungsoo whispers to jiwon, "well.. we were like that before, right?"

"yeah.. I'm glad we could experience it again." kyungsoo lays her head on her girlfriend's shoulder.

yujin gets called again to go back to the court. ricky, that famous senior known for being "young and rich, tall and handsome", comes up to yujin and pats his back, yujin runs to the court and starts playing. whatever they're doing, not like you know much about basketball anyways.

some time passes as the game continues normally, with your school still in the lead and the other school catching up. you stopped screaming and cheering and also have the banner folded, you're spent.. so are your seatmates from the other school, all of you are just watching peacefully. you can hear a couple of people screaming as the game almost draws to an end..

the ball is currently at one of the guys from the other school, 'park, 8' on the back of his jersey. you have to admit, he's kinda cute.. got a few girls screaming for him.. he passes the ball to one of his teammates but one of yujin's teammates, gyuvin, ends up getting the ball. he runs and then passes the ball to yujin quickly.

the time almost runs out as yujin runs to the hoop, the screaming gets even louder.. you watch yujin closely and see how determined he is to score.. 'come on yujin... you can do it.....' you thought to yourself, you held the banner laying on your lap tightly.

yujin decides to shoot the ball at a pretty risky place, the crowd goes silent and watches if the ball gets in the hoop. the players can't do anything but watch it.

'so close...'

'you're running out of time, yujin....'

3..

2..

1..

"3 POINTS, HAN YUJIN SCORES 3 POINTS!!"

the people from your school shout and cheer loudly as the others can't do anything but sigh in defeat.. you stood up from your seat and quickly ran to yujin, both jiwon and kyungsoo watch, still in their seats, as you ran to your best friend. you saw him and jumped into his arms immediately without warning him.

"hey.. that's what I did to them!" kyungsoo told jiwon, she laughed as yujin fell from your sudden attack. "ouch.. what was that for?!" yujin says as he gets up and sits on the floor, you get off of him and help him get up. "you.. you won!! oh my gosh you actually, you actually did it!!" you hug him again, your arms around his waist and your head on top of his shoulder. he reciprocates the hug and smiles widely.

"oh my gosh I actually.. I love you so much.." he says unconsciously while hugging you tighter but you let go of him in shock, both of your hands cover your mouth that's wide open after what he said. yujin realizes and does the same thing.

"I-I'm sorry that was so sudden uh.. you.. don't have to say anything.." both of your faces turn extremely red, yujin slowly backs up from you in embarrassment and fear that you won't like him back. he turns his head away from you while you still stare at him, you run up to him and hug him again.

"I.. I love you too!! you don't know how long I've been waiting for this!!" you smile widely while yujin is still frozen due to your words. he turns his head to look at you all joyful and wraps his arms around your waist. he smiles back at you and stares at you lovingly, you let go of his torso and use both of your hands to hold his cheeks. you can feel them burning and getting hotter as you hold them softly.

you smile and laugh at each other for not knowing what to do, you ended up kissing the both of his cheeks, a lot. yujin giggles and then lays his head on your shoulder after.

"hey yujin!" a familiar voice interrupts the both of you, he turns around to see ricky. "not bad, kid.. seems like you got yourself a partner too." ricky teases his younger teammate and giggles at how yujin's face turns pink and how you still haven't let go of him. "let's celebrate later, ricky's treat!" gyuvin, beside ricky, pops up in the conversation. ricky looks at his friend confused. "hey I never said anything!"

"well too bad, it's on you now!" gyuvin says. the both of them continue bickering until ricky decides to leave the both of you together. and.. you hear another voice behind you again.

"so.. finally confessed to each other?" the both of you turn around to see jiwon and kyungsoo behind you. "you.. you were here all along? at this point you could be a spy.." yujin says to jiwon surprised about how this happened for the second time.. jiwon chuckles, "no. we just got down, kyungsoo was the one who told me about you two." kyungsoo smiles and realizes something. "hey! about what happened inside the bathroom.. I thought you were going to tell us?"

"I don't think I should tell you here.. maybe when we get out?" kyungsoo sighs about how she's going to stay curious.. you feel something on your hands, you look at it and see a new pair of headphones. the headphones that you sacrificed. you then look at yujin, the one who gave them to you.

"what? I promised that I'd give you new ones?" you smiled and kept the box of headphones inside your bag, you held yujin's hand and follow jiwon and kyungsoo as they go outside the court. "so.. what was kyungsoo talking about earlier?" yujin asks you, you get closer to him and whisper to his ear, "eunkyung admitted that she tried to kill me.. I recorded it inside my phone.."

yujin widened his eyes in shock. ".. what do I do with it though?" you ask him quietly. "let's not do something yet.. we need things to go smoothly. this is eunkyung we're talking about.." you nod in understanding.

and now.. your week comes to an end. should take the award for 'the most unexpected and maybe the luckiest week in your life'.. expect the unexpected I guess..?

[ note: THEY'RE HAPPY NOW!! :33 AND KYUNGSOO IS BACK AS WELL!!!! honestly I was rushing to write this and it was harder cs I was planning to make yujin a football player 😓😓 YOU GUYS HAPPY NOW??? 😒😒😒 ]

taglist: @zahraism , @taesansidechick / @jelllijeans , @goldoie / @n-americano

[audreyscribes]

Ω PJO MISC. DEMIGOD HEADCANONS:🍇 THALIA “PLENTIFUL/LUXURIANT” GODDESS OF FESTIVITY AND BANQUETS 🎉{wave 3.5}

Here's the final, long-awaited Charities and the most funniest and convulted one too. You saw the Thalia Muse demigod hc, I think you can guess what's this one is going to be like. MISCELLANEOUS DEMIGOD H/CS MASTERLIST LINK: [TUMBLR] || [AO3]

Be prepared for even more ridiculous, wackiest mistaken hijinks to exist at Camp Halfblood and Camp Jupiter. If you have read the Muse’s Thalia demigod H/Cs, then that’s just the tip of the iceberg. People are going to think you’re related to Thalia Grace, the lieutenant of Artemis, the demigod daughter of Zeus, and if that wasn’t bad enough, you’re going to be mistaken with the child of Thalia, the demigod child of the Muse Thalia, and vise-versa. Even if you try to differentiate between Thalia the Muse or The Charity, people will still misunderstand the demigod Thalia Grace. Especially the Romans at Camp Jupiter refer to the Charities as the Graces.  Even then, there are some people who interchange Thalia with Charity or Grace.

If you’re a person who prefers harmony, being a child of Thalia would be right for you as Thalia was described as being a “Darling of Harmony”. That and you have perfect harmony for music and dancing as well.

In terms of resemblance with our gods and their demigods, the demigod of Thalia would be the children of Demeter, in terms of that Thalia also means ‘plentiful; plentiful; abundant” which sounds quite like Demeter with her being the goddess of Harvest and Fertility. Both are responsible for banquets and great feasts and with the child of Thalia’s aspect of power, they brings plenty to the table as well as bountiful crops from the fields.

I can also see the child of Thalia having some resemblance to Hestia as well; or what they stand for. As we know Hestia is responsible for the hearth and she gets every bit of everything that is sacrificed to the gods, so she provides and gains plenty. It may be a bit of a stretch, but I like the idea that the child of Thalia pays tribute and respect to Hestia (more so then the average) because without the Hearth, there would be no warm flame to cook the food nor light the banquets, providing festivity with her flames in times of dark times or to signal a bright occasion.

The child of Thalia has no major power to speak of, aside from minor fertility powers that lean more to growth, but you keep the energy alive and help increase and maintain people’s spirits. This is quite useful in low points in time or keeping a soldier's morale up when in battle. You are quite a people’s person regardless how you define yourself. 

Power-wise, its possible to inherit the power of joy where you can make people feel joy. Make them see the positive in things. It also means you have a very infectious giggle and laugh. If you laugh or giggle, people can’t help doing the same. A smile will also do the same thing as well. Then again, you don’t really need to rely on your powers to make people feel a little bit of joy because you can do it without it. 

Because The Charity Thalia is associated with Festivities and Banquets, you develop a sense of planning for events. It’s not out of the question that you often help Mr. D and Chiron for these events, making sure things go smoothly or when things go off the rails (which often do when demigods are involved), there is always a plan in place. You also can be found planning or holding impromptu events ranging not just dinner parties or tea parties, but stuff like Karoke battle, dance offs, or even a skipping rope contest (though probably not anymore because Chiron strongly suggested not using burning rope to make things more interesting). 

“The Fates have to be messing with us” you groaned into your hands, head also thrown back as you tried to trick yourself this was just a bad dream. However, even a dream wouldn’t be this convoluted. 

You took away your eyes as you saw Thalia Grace, the demigod daughter of Zeus and lieutenant of Artemis’ Huntresses, and the other child of Thalia, but their mother was the Muse goddess of Comedy. 

It was a complete circus when you were claimed and all the campers were so confused when you were announced to be the “Daughter of Thalia”. Little did you know, there was a famous camper named Thalia, who was present at your claiming, and when Chiron tried to clarify again that you were the daughter of the Thalia, the goddess-

Everyone’s ADHD brain and mouth went to the Muse goddess, and turned to the Muse demigod child of Thalia, then Chiron said it was the other goddess, a roman camper who was visiting opened their mouth and said “You mean Thalia, the Grace?”

People’s brains went back to Thalia Grace, the demigod daughter of Zeus- 

Chiron then had to interrupt loudly that, no, he was talking about the Charity Thalia, and the use of the Graces was used by the Romans-

It also didn’t help that your claim symbol was very similar to the Muse goddess of Thalia, and Chiron had just convinced Mr. D send word to Olympus so they could track down both Thalias, and had to convince Hermes to find and ask about which Thalia you were the child of. 

“I wonder if my mother had any idea about my name and this was all intentional, or Zeus was the one who named me” said Thalia in frustration. “If it was really Zeus who named me, then I wanna say dad you have the worst naming choices because both the muse and charity Thalia are both his daughters too. Wasn’t two enough?!”

“Well, all things come in three” joked the demigod child of the Muse Thalia. 

“Don’t-”

“You have to admit, there is something funny about this” you pointed out, chuckling while giving a wry smile. 

“Oh Artemis, give me strength” muttered Thalia Grace.

The door to the Big House meeting room opened and there was an unknown man with a wide mischievous smile at the front, greeting with “Hello, sister and cousins!” as he walked in with Chiron right behind him. 

“Lord Hermes” greeted Thalia as she got up, to bow while the rest of you copied her. 

“Please” he said as he waved and then suddenly there were two envelopes between his fingers. “I won’t be too long because packages and mails to be delivered and picked up, but this was too funny to not come myself; so ta-dah~”

All three mortals in the room groaned at Hermes’ obvious enjoyment out of this whole scenario. “Okay, so I managed to find both Thalias, one of them was busy with Aprhodite who was also with Ares, and boy, they did not appreciate me crashing on their little romantic date, and the muses were whipping up a bit of a lovely chorus with Apollo, which kind delayed everything because last time I interrupted Apollo’s music with the Muses, it was not pretty but hey I managed to talk my way out of it-”

There was a polite cough from Chiron and Hermes grinned. “But I got the words straight and both Thalias told me that they did at one point like the same mortal man-” 

Both demigods of Thalia stiffened at the sudden throw back. They immediately turned to each other, balking at the incoming info that they may still be half-siblings but just with different mothers. 

“-but I reminded them of the year you both were born and what year it was, where you were born, you know the boring tidbits, and said no, you two aren’t related.” 

Everyone let out a sigh of relief and the tension in their body was gone, making them drop in their seats.  You placed your face in your hands and were tremoring with pent up laughter.

“So, my mother is Thalia of the Charities?” you asked for clarification. 

Hermes nodded before handing over the envelope, to each of you. “The details are here and they filled out a sort of birth certificate, just in case this happens again. Eileithyia was also there coincidentally so she also helped clarify your births.” 

You took the envelope and opened it. It looked like a regular birth certificate but there was a signature of your godly mother, as well as signed by Eileithyia confirming your birth. 

“Wait, so does everyone on Olympus knows about this?” asked Thalia. 

“Ohhhhh yeah” Hermes drawled out with an ever bigger grin. “Which I gotta say, its been so long since we’ve had such fun about whose demigod was without it all being some major drama; not that I wouldn’t listen in myself.”

Both respective children of Thalia groaned as everyone else laughed. This was just going to be the beginning of what your life at camp was going to be like. 

[hollyethecurious]

CS AU: The Witch in the Woods (3/?)

Summary: “If it’s aid of a magical sort ye seek, then you’ll be wanting to find the witch in the woods.”

A/N: Marking off another bingo square - shhhhh, I don't care if it isn't spooky season any longer. I go where the muse leads.

Shout out to @kmomof4 for giving this a once over and for putting up with my wild ass plotting for potential future installments.

Rated T (for now?) / Also available on ao3 / add to tag list / Curious? Come Ask Me! / Part One / Part Two

Part Three

Begrudgingly, Emma pulled her lips away from the pirate's. Though she would love nothing more than to give in to the temptation that had been simmering between them since he strolled into her cottage, she had to keep her wits about her. She had been burned by charm and guile before and could not risk being wrong about the man currently making promises with grand gestures of his own, regardless of what her instincts were telling her.

“That was…” the pirate murmured, chasing her lips with an eager and desperate need to claim them once more.

“A one time thing,” she told him, vanishing from his grasp and rematerializing on the deck below where she could look over the side to the shimmering water they were currently sailing over in midair.

“Have I done something to vex you?” the pirate - Killian Jones - inquired, not quite able to mask the disappointment in his nonchalant tone.

“No,” she replied, her attention still set on the waters below. “I just cannot afford for either of us to get distracted. There is too much at stake. For both of us.”

A moment of silence passed before the pirate hummed and said, “Too right, love. Forgive me.”

“You hardly need my forgiveness,” she said, turning around to finally face him and startled by the fact he was no longer at the helm but casually leaning against the mast with his arms and ankles crossed. How had he moved without her notice? She must be more distracted than she thought.

“Perhaps not.” He shrugged and uncrossed his arms, his fingers toying with the tip of his hook as he added, “But what I do need--” he hedged, his eyes flicking up and connecting with hers in a way that had her breath stilling in her chest. “--is an explanation.”

“An explanation?” she parroted. “An explanation of what?”

Pushing away from the mast, he sauntered towards her, the movement of his hips and the sway of his great coat mesmerizing her as he approached.

“An explanation of how your boy ended up in Pan’s clutches,” he said, shaking her from her fascination. “If I… we… are to get him back, then I need to know your past dealings with Pan.”

“Why?” she asked defensively.

“Pan is cunning,” he reminded her. “I must know his motives for taking your boy so I can be prepared for any and all scenarios. Any tricks he may have up his sleeve. Plus,” he added, his gaze intense and earnest, “the reason for why Pan took him may well help narrow down where on the island he is keeping him. The more I know, the better chance we have in finding and rescuing the lad.”

Emma scrutinized his features and demeanor, her eyes flickering between his, looking for any sign of duplicity between his words and his intentions. Finding his motives to be pure, she let out a heavy breath and confessed, “It’s a bit of a tale.”

Glancing up at the constellations above them, Killian assured her, “We’ve got some time.” Bringing his eyes back to hers, he suggested, “Perhaps it is a tale best shared over fortifying spirits? I have a wide variety of night cap offerings in my quarters.”

Emma arched her brow and tilted her head at him in an accusatory fashion. Raising his hand and hook in supplication, he professed, “I swear to be on my best behaviour, love. Nothing untoward, I assure you.”

Again, she waited for any hint of deception or ulterior motives to make their way to the surface, but her waiting was in vain. It seemed the pirate meant what he said and he only wished to hear the tale that had led to her acquiring his services. So he might be sufficiently equipped to meet his end of their bargain.

Their bargain, she scoffed silently to herself. Another bargain. Another deal. Another accord made with an unsavory sort.

She just hoped that by the end of their journey, the story they would make along the way would not become yet another cautionary tale.

“It all began with my own folly,” she told him, gesturing towards what she assumed was his cabin and following after him, only continuing after she’d crossed the threshold into his quarters.

“I was young and foolish. Only thirteen and new to my powers with no one to train me.”

Killian poured them both a portion of spirits then invited her to take a seat at the stateroom table. Sinking down into his own seat beside her, he turned his body into hers, and encouraged her to continue.

“Worried what I might do if I did not get my powers under control, I sought help from the one person I knew I should not.”

“Who was that, love?” he asked.

His gaze was tender, his posture open and relaxed. He must have sensed reliving this tale would take its toll on her and was, therefore, doing all he could to make her feel supported and secure. She appreciated it more than she could say, which was why it pained her to see the change in him when she answered.

“The Dark One,” she stated, hollowly. “I made a deal with the Dark One.”

~/~

Fifteen years ago…

The frigid, winter wind sliced through Emma, chilling her to the bone and making her teeth chatter. She tightened the thread-bare shawl around her small frame and mustered the courage that had waxed and waned many times over on her way to the clearing.

She knew it was mad, but what other choice did she have?

Drawing in a deep breath, one that set fire to her lungs and nearly froze her vocal chords, she closed her eyes and cast all caution to the biting winds.

“Dark One, I summon thee!”

The ground beneath her began to shake. Birds that had been roosting in nearby trees squawked and screeched as they took flight, fleeing the area on quick wings as scampering sounds of creatures rustled through the brush made their own escape. From the dais, a black, viscous mire began to seep up from the grates and form into something the approximate size and shape of a man. When the dark ooze receded, a cloaked figure remained.

The figure of the Dark One.

Pulling back the hood of his cloak, the vessel of the Darkness appraised her for a moment before snapping in a sharp, irritated tone, “I haven’t got all day, dearie.”

Repulsed by the unnatural shimmer of his skin and the way his eyes seemed to pierce into her very soul, it took Emma a moment to find her voice.

“I… I’ve come to seek your help. I’ve come to make a deal.”

“Believe it or not,” he quipped with a disparaging and scornful expression, “I had worked that out for myself.” Stepping off the dais, he began to circle her as he questioned, “What makes you think I would be interested in making a deal with the likes of you?” When he stopped in front of her, his serpent-esque eyes searching the fearful jade of her own, something in his demeanor shifted. “Oooooohhhhhh,” he drawled, his interest sharpening in an unsettling way. “I see. Finding it difficult to wield all that new found power, aren’t you, dearie?”

“Y-Yes,” Emma stammered, finding it difficult to maintain eye contact and dropping her gaze to her feet.

“And you have no one to train you? No one to take you under their wing and care for a whittle cygnet such as yourself?”

The beast’s taunting tone ignited a spark of anger within her and before she could do anything to try and stop it - not that it would have mattered, seeing as her lack of control was why she was there in the first place - her magic pulsed and caught one of the trees on the edge of the clearing on fire.

“Oh, ho!” the Dark One cheered, clapping his hands together in a maniacal fashion. “You are a wonder!”

“No!” Emma shouted in parts fear and frustration. “No, I’m not! I’m a danger! I don’t know what I’m doing! I didn’t even know I had magic until--”

“Until you came of age at your last birthday?”

“Yes,” Emma replied, chewing on her lip briefly, before sharing, “I turned thirteen this past fall, and suddenly…” She held up her hands, the glow of her magic always present within her palms, like a powder keg ready to explode at even the slightest spark. “I was turned out of the place I’ve been raised since I was an infant and have nowhere to go. No way to make a way for myself, unless…”

“Unless?” the Dark One prodded, his countenance coiling like a snake ready to strike, his nose twitching as though he could smell the desperation coming off of her.

“Unless I can find a way of harnessing my magic so I can use it to make a living. Please,” she begged. “I’ll give you a portion of my earnings for however long you wish if you’ll help me master my power.”

The Dark One brought his hand up and placed it thoughtfully against his face, giving off the appearance that he was considering her proposal.

“As much as I would love to take on another apprentice,” he began in an insincere tone. “I’m afraid my dance card is full.”

“Wait!” Emma cried when he lifted his hand in preparation of whisking himself away. “Please! There must be something you can do. Some magic you can provide that will help me. Name your price. If it is within my ability to give, then it is yours!”

“Anything?”

“Yes!” Emma agreed. “Anything.”

“Well,” the Dark One dramatized. “There is something I could give you to help bring your magic to heel.” A swirl of dark smoke with shades of deep purple and maroon manifested in the Dark One’s palm. When it dissipated, a small scroll, tied with a black ribbon, was left in its wake. “This,” he said, holding up the scroll and shuffling it through his fingers, “contains an incantation that will immediately calm your powers and give you mastery over them as though you’d spent decades in training, but,” he clipped, tossing the scroll into the air and catching it tightly in his fist. “I warn you. It comes with a steep price.”

Wetting her lips, Emma eyed the end of the ribbon peeking out from the Dark One’s clenched fist and asked, “Whatever it costs, I’ll find a way to pay it.”

The Dark One’s face contorted as a wild, sinister grin spread across his face. “I do love a desperate soul,” he sneered, holding out the scroll for her to take.

“What about the price?” she asked, taking the scroll and holding it tightly within her grip.

“When the time comes,” he said, a disturbing gleam shimmering from his reptilian gaze. “I will come to collect.”

“Why can’t you collect it now?” she asked, wishing to be done with the entire affair and not relishing the idea of ever having to see him again.

“You’re not yet ready to provide me my price,” he told her, his eyes flicking downward then hurriedly back up again. “I dare say it’ll be a few years, but fear not…” He backed away, slithering towards the dais as he gave her one last promise, “I always keep my bargains.”

Smoke engulfed the Dark One, leaving behind only the echo of his impish giggle and the sinking feeling with Emma that she may have just made a terrible mistake.

~/~

“What was the price,” Hook inquired, knowing it had to have been something horrible, something reprehensible if the crocodile had refused to disclose it at the crafting of their deal.

Throwing back the reminder of the drink he’d poured for her, the witch sucked in against the burn it likely left in her throat and replied, “My first born child.”

“What?” Hook exclaimed, shooting up from his seat so he could pace the length of his cabin. He never considered that her son was a mere infant, nor that the Dark One would have enlisted Pan to--

“He’s not a baby anymore,” Emma told him. “He turned ten this past summer.”

Unaware that he had said those things aloud, Hook scratched at the back of his ear and sheepishly apologized.

“I am sorry for my outburst.” Resuming his seat he asked, “If the Dark One did not come for the boy when he was born then--”

“I learned of his scheme and managed to hide myself away before he was born,” she said. “Despite his attempt to manipulate and entrap me into paying the price.”

“I do not understand,” Hook responded, his confusion pinching his brows and underpinning his words. “How did the Dark One manipulate and entrap you?”

Emma reached over and picked up the decanter he had placed upon the table and refilled her glass. After setting it back down, she stared at the way the amber liquid swirled in its container before imparting, “I suspect he kept tabs on me somehow,” she said in a faraway voice. “It’s the only way he could have known of all the proposals and propositions I’d received and rejected. The only way he could have discovered that I had no intentions of ever marrying or having a child, thereby making it necessary to send someone with the intentions of wooing me, bedding me, and impregnating me so he could claim his precious price.”

Seething, Hook inquired between clenched teeth, “Who? Who did he send? Who did that to you, love?”

“His son,” she supplied, her eyes still lingering on the swirling amber.

“Baelfire?” he blurted out, absolutely stunned.

A sentiment she also shared, evident from the way she blanched and flicked her gaze up to his.

“Y-You know him?”

“Aye,” he told her. “That is… I knew him. Once. When he was a boy not much older than yours.” Shaking his head, he poured himself another drink and mused, “I often wondered what had become of him after Pan let him go, but never would I have imagined--”

“Let him go?” Emma interjected. “What do you mean, let him go?”

“From Neverland,” he answered. “Bae landed there some time after his father had abandoned him in a portal. He remained for many years until, one day, Pan instructed me to return him to the Enchanted Forest.”

“When was that?”

Hook shrugged and tried to calculate the time. It was difficult to keep track of such things when time stood still in one realm and moved differently between others.

“Nevermind,” she said, waving off her question. “It does not matter now, I suppose.”

“Aye,” Hook agreed. “Although, given what I knew of what Baelfire thought of his father, I find it difficult to believe he would work with him to betray you in such a way.”

“I know little of their relationship,” she told him, hollowly. The wall he’d seen her erect several times within their brief acquaintance was once more established upon its foundation in an attempt to separate herself from the emotional turmoil threatening its ramparts.

“All I know is…” She swallowed heavily then took a fortifying breath so she could continue on with an unaffected tone and composed countenance. “He took me for a fool. Made me believe his declarations of love were sincere and his desire to spend our lives together was real.”

In spite of her efforts, he could see her struggling, her eyes glistening with angry tears she refused to let fall, her last few words choked off by the tight ball of emotion forming in her throat.

“When did you learn the truth?” he asked, keeping his tone as gentle as he could despite his own feelings of outrage.

Clearing her throat, she turned her face upward and blinked back the treachery blurring her vision before bringing her gaze back to his. “I overheard him one night,” she began in a clipped tone of rancor. “He was talking with someone in the other room, but when I peered around the corner, I did not see anyone. It took me a moment to realize he was communicating through mirror magic.”

“Mirror magic?” Hook replied in surprise. “The Bae I knew abhorred magic.”

It struck Hook that this fact should have been the tip off that there was something fishy about their relationship. The lengths to which the lad had gone to flee his father and avoid Pan, both powerful purveyors of magic, not to mention his wariness of Tink, a former fairy, had made the boy’s feelings on the subject quite clear.

“Yeah, I, uh… learned that later,” she told him with a slight shake to her head as she mused, “I still don’t understand how he was able to deceive me for so long.”

“You mustn’t blame yourself, love,” Hook replied, a pang of guilt stabbing him in the gut. “He was an excellent pupil whilst in my charge and I can only imagine the lessons Pan and his father taught him after he left my tutelage.” Running his tongue over his teeth, he shifted in his seat and confessed, “I taught him all I knew of piracy and… duplicity and skulduggery are part and parcel of a pirate’s life.”

The feel of her hand over his snapped his gaze from the floor to their hands to her eyes, bright green and swirling with understanding, forgiveness, and a measure of amusement.

“You mustn’t blame yourself, Captain,” she parroted back to him. “I’m normally very good at knowing when someone is lying to me… even pirates.” With her other hand, she reached into the front of her bodice and produced a pendant etched with a swan motif. “And after Baelfire’s betrayal, I made sure to never fall victim to whatever tactics he used to skirt that skill.” Holding out the pendant between them, she said, “So, I enchanted this charm to alert me of when people aren’t being honest. To remind myself never to trust blindly again.”

Hook watched the pendant swing from her grip with sad eyes. “I’m sorry, love.”

“Don’t be,” she responded, tucking the pendant back into her bodice and pulling her other hand from his. “It’s kept me and my son safe… or rather, it did for a time.”

“Aye,” Hook sighed, grieved at the loss of her touch. “Tell me more about that. You said you overheard Bae communicating with someone over mirror magic. Who was it?”

“His father,” she told him with a heavy dose of disgust on her tongue. “Although, I did not know the Dark One was his father at the time. I simply heard him telling Rumplestiltskin that the deed was done, and in a few more months, my debt would be paid.”

“Tell me you turned the traitorous bastard into a toad,” Hook sneered, taking Baelfire’s treachery personally for a number of reasons.

Emma snorted and scoffed, rolling her eyes before admitting, “I was tempted, believe me, but… I knew I needed him to think he’d won. I needed time to plan my next move.”

She went on to tell him how she had played dumb and waited for the right moment to make her escape. During that time, she’d discovered the lengths he’d gone to, the depth of his depravity and deceit. He’d slipped her a tonic that had rendered her efforts to avoid pregnancy useless; he then used a rudimentary spell - created by his father, no doubt - on her to hide the truth of her condition from her until it was too late.

“By the time I ran, I was nearly seven months gone. It was quite a shock when I finally removed the glamour and could see things for how they truly were.”

“I cannot even begin to imagine,” Hook attempted to empathize. “How did you manage to stay hidden from them? The Dark One’s power is--”

“Blinded by its own hubris,” she told him. “I simply defied his expectations and relied on the common distrust and scorn of the people to assist me.”

“I’m not sure I follow what you mean, love.”

Reaching into the pocket of her cloak, she pulled out a leather cuff and placed it on the table. “The Dark One expected me to use magic in order to conceal myself. Wards, glamours, maybe some blood magic, so… I chose to do none of those. Instead, I used the scroll the Dark One had given me long ago to fashion this-” she tapped the cuff with her finger “-then slipped it on.”

Picking up the molded leather piece, Hook inspected it closely as he inquired, “What does it do?”

“It makes the wearer incapable of using magic by absorbing the power into itself.”

Astonished, Hook’s eyes snapped to hers. “What? You… You…”

“Gave up my magic?” she replied. “Yes. I did.” Taking the cuff from his hand, she put it back in her pocket and added, “I changed my appearance and hid us in plain sight, without my magic giving me away.”

“What of your boy? Surely the Dark One would have means to suss out his own blood.”

The witch gave him a cunning smile before sharing, “I fashioned a similar cuff for him as well. One that concealed his identity from dark magic and grew with him.”

“Did the cuffs not exude a power of their own that may have alerted the Dark One to--”

“Many people own enchanted objects,” she reminded him. “You, yourself, own an enchanted pirate ship and…” raising her hand, palm outward, she focused on his person, the corner of her mouth lifting in a smirk as she said, “a flask that never empties?”

Hook reached up and scratched behind his ear. “Well, one never knows how long between errands one might be. Would be a shame for the rum to run out.”

“Indeed,” she chortled. The two of them shared a moment of myrth before sobering once more.

There was still more of the tale to be told.

“For nearly a decade we evaded detection, but just before my son, Henry, turned ten years old we were warned that the Dark One and his son had enlisted the help of one more formidable.”

“Pan,” Hook spat out in disgust. Schooling his features, he asked, “Who gave you this information?”

“The Blue Fairy,” Emma answered. “She was the first I called upon for help after I left Baelfire. It was she who instructed me on how to fashion the cuffs.” Taking in a deep breath, she exhaled on a heavy breath, “And it was she who told me the history and connection of the members of the perfidious family I had entangled myself with. The one my son descends from and will forever have to contend with… assuming we are successful in retrieving him.”

“We will be,” Hook vowed emphatically, earning him a sad smile that mirrored the melancholy in her eyes.

Eyes that quickly became piercing as they swirled with a desperate sort of pleading. “Tell me you have a plan.”

“I’m working on it, love,” he promised her. A promise he knew would likely give her little comfort. “I need to know more, though,” he prompted. “How and when was your boy taken? Have you had any contact with him or Pan or Bae or the Dark One?”

“Henry was…” she began, her words strained and choked. “He was taken the eve of his birthday. His entire life, I remained vigilant. On the lookout for any hint of Baelfire or the Dark One. Any spy. Any scout. Any sign that they may have found us or had succeeded in turning one of our neighbors against us. I was focused on people. I never even considered the threat a shadow might pose.”

Hook shuddered at her words. Pan’s shadow. His spectre of an errand boy, an umbra assassin, and silhouette spy. He’d had his own run-ins with the being; ones he would rather not dwell upon. No boy should ever have to face the manifestation of something so unnatural.

“When I went in to check on Henry before turning in that night, all I found was an open window, his leather cuff, and a note.”

“What did it say?”

“The Dark One lies, the Dark One tricks, but Pan always wins.”

An errant tear managed to slip past her lashes and slowly began to trail down her cheek. Catching it with the pad of his thumb, Hook took her face in his hands and vowed, “Not this time, love. I can promise you that. Not this time.”

Part Four - Coming Soon!

Tagging the Curious Crew: (add to tag list)

(Please be advised that I only keep one tag list for all fic updates and new works. If at any time you wish to be removed, just shoot me an ask or a DM. No worries.)

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[midnight-mourning]

Promptober is done! What now?

Alright, now that all my spooky month writing is done, what's next?

Well, my plan is to go through and review everything, fixing any mistakes and such as I find them and then posting the promptobers on Ao3, so, should you ever want to re-read them you'll be able to find them with ease

Additionally, i did NOT forget about the CS oneshot, I'll make a post giving a little update later today so stay tuned there

I need to make some trick or treat responses, so taking a break from writing to pound those out

BUT, relating to writing, I'm working on revamping my writing links/making a writing masterpost since my intro has gotten clunky, while I'm doing so I figured I would ask if people would like to be apart of a tag list either for Confused Spirit or for general writing things, as that seemed to go really well for the promptober and halloween one-shot

IF that's the case, please feel free to interact with this post in some way, or message me directly and I'll collect @'s for such, please also feel free to share this around with anyone you think might be interested!

Going to go draw now but I'll be around, thanks for all the love and support throughout the promptobers and as we shifted into Spookvember!!! Genuinely it was great and very much appreciated, I'm glad everyone had as much fun as I did ^_^

If you would like updates on the remaining few things left for Spookvember you can check out the schedule here, it's updated semi-daily when I complete something or move things around

[nartouthere]

cs2 trick that will win you more games

[jrob64]

Hook's First Trick or Treat (Reposted with new art!)

A CS Canon Compliant Story for CS Spooky Season/Autumnal Bingo

I'm jumping on the hayride wagon and giving you my first offering for Spooky Season/Autumnal Bingo, the brainchild of @hollyethecurious. Everyone owes her a big thank you for inspiring a fair few people to write some warm, seasonal tales and art for our favorite show and couple. Everything posted for the event can be found in this collection on Ao3.

I also owe thanks to @kmomof4 for checking over this story.

**Extra special thanks to @motherkatereloyshipper for the spectacular manips of Henry, Emma & Killian in their costumes!**

Summary: Hook has his first experience Trick or Treating in Storybrooke.

Rating: T

Words: 2542

Can also be read on Ao3 and ffn

*********

“Are you going trick or treating with us next Saturday, Hook?” Henry asked.

Killian looked up at the boy from where he sat on the sofa beside Emma. The three of them had just finished watching The Nightmare Before Christmas together at the loft, sharing a huge bowl of popcorn and sipping mugs of warm apple cider. Hook hadn’t been impressed with the drink until he enhanced it with rum.

The whole town was enjoying the peace which came with the banishment of Gold at the town line three weeks ago. Mary Margaret, David and baby Neal were currently on a weekend away at a small cabin in the woods, allowing Emma to have the loft to herself for a few days. She and Henry immediately invited Killian over for a movie marathon on Friday night, culminating with the Tim Burton classic.

“Do you mean there is such a thing as trick or treat, such as in the movie?”

“Yeah, but in Storybrooke, we never had it until after the curse broke,” Henry explained.

“Why is it called ‘trick or treat'?” Killian inquired.

Emma reached over and linked her hand with his. “Back when it started, if a child knocked on a person’s door and they didn’t give them a treat, the child played a trick on them. These days, it’s just kids dressing up in costumes and going door to door, asking for candy. It doesn’t really involve tricks any more.”

“So it’s a children’s holiday?”

“Not necessarily. Anybody can dress up, but usually only the kids get candy.”

“Last year, Dr. Hopper dressed as Paul Bunyan and had Pongo dressed as Babe, the big blue ox. They sat outside his house and passed out candy,” Henry explained. “Grandma and Grandpa were Mickey and Minnie Mouse. Remember, Mom?”

“How could I forget? Dad kept talking in that squeaky voice the whole evening, which made Mom giggle. It was cute at first, but got annoying before long.”

“They won cutest costumes at the Halloween party, though.”

“There’s a party, too?” Killian asked.

“Just a get together at Granny’s after trick or treating wraps up,” Emma said. “Granny gives out prizes for cutest, scariest, most original, and best group costume. She makes popcorn balls and caramel apples and has the diner very elaborately decorated for Halloween.”

“So will you go with us?” Henry asked again.

“Aye, it sounds like fun.”

“Awesome!” Henry exclaimed. “Are you going to dress up?”

“He can dress as a modern man, since he already spent hundreds of years dressed as a pirate,” Emma smirked.

“Perhaps your father will allow me to borrow some of his Prince Charming garb,” Killian teased.

“You looking like my father would give me nightmares,” Emma said, wryly.

Hook and Henry laughed. “What will you be wearing?” Hook asked the boy.

“I’m gonna be Legolas, from Lord of the Rings. Wanna see my costume?”

“Of course.”

Henry dashed over to the stairs and bounded up them, two at a time.

“Will you be dressing up, Swan?”

“Yeah, but I haven’t figured out what to wear yet.”

He leaned over and nuzzled his nose behind her ear, then murmured, “Pity you didn’t bring that wench dress home with you when we returned from the past.”

Emma shivered involuntarily. “I’m not sure that would have been appropriate to wear around my son.”

“You could always wear it when it’s just the two of us.”

“Those moments are few and far…”

“Here it is!” Henry shouted, jumping down the last three steps with the costume in his arms.

“The kid is proving my point,” Emma whispered.

Killian chuckled before turning his attention to Henry, who was holding up the costume. “Grandma is going to let me borrow her bow and quiver of arrows, and Ruby loaned me a long, blonde wig,” he said proudly.

Killian got up and walked over, using his hand and hook to stretch out the cloak and get a better look. “It’s quite handsome, lad.”

“Thanks! Granny made it for me. She might be able to make you something before next Saturday. She made this in one day.”

“I’ll put some thought into it,” Killian promised.

“Hey! Maybe you could be Aragorn and Mom could be Arwen. Wouldn’t that be cool?”

“Very, um…cool,” Killian agreed, unused to using the jargon, but pleased that Henry wanted to include him in his costume plans.

“Orrrr,” Henry said with a mischievous grin, “maybe Hook should be Legolas, since he already has the elf ears.”

Emma laughed, while Killian rolled his eyes.

They continued to discuss their costumes until Emma declared it was time for Henry to go to bed. After he went upstairs, Emma and Killian remained on the sofa, talking quietly and kissing. When they were sure Henry was sound asleep, they took advantage of Emma’s parents being absent from the loft.

*********

“Mom, are you ready yet?” Henry called. “All the good candy is going to be gone if we don’t leave pretty soon!”

Emma emerged from the bathroom, placing a large hoop earring into her lobe. “Calm down, kid. Trick or treating doesn’t even start for…” she checked the clock on the wall in the kitchen, “ten minutes.”

“Is Killian coming here or are we meeting him at the boarding…”

He was interrupted by a knock on the door. “Guess that answers your question,” she said, grinning at her son as she moved to open the door.

When she did, she was momentarily taken aback at the figure on the other side. Killian was dressed as the sexy ranger Aragorn head to toe, complete with crown, sword and chainmail armor.

“Wow!” Emma exclaimed. “You look amazing! Where did you find everything for that costume?”

Killian didn’t answer for several seconds, his eyes roaming up and down Emma’s green gown with silver accents. It was nearly an exact replica of Arwen’s in the coronation scene from Return of the King. Marco had even fashioned the silver crown, which sat atop the black wig she wore.

“Swan, you look…words fail me,” he managed to say, obviously gobsmacked.

“Yeah, yeah, we all look great,” Henry grumbled. “Can we go now?”

Killian entered the loft and offered his arm to Emma. “Shall we, milady?”

They trekked down the steps, being careful not to trip over their long cloaks.

“Seriously, where did you find all of that stuff?” Emma asked again, once they were outside.

“Belle let me look through Gold’s shop. I found most of it in there,” Killian said, holding his arm out to examine the chainmail. “Lady Lucas did create the cloak for me, though.”

“Well, it turned out fantastic. I’ve always had a bit of a crush on Aragorn and seeing you dressed like him is…” She pinched her fingers together, brought them to her lips, kissed them, then flicked her wrist and spread her fingers apart as if she was throwing the kiss into the air.

“What exactly does that gesture mean?” he asked.

“Chef’s kiss. It means it’s perfect and I love it.”

“Ah, I see. I’m very happy you approve. Meanwhile, your costume is absolutely magnificent. Did Granny make it?”

“This is actually one of my mother’s capes and a gown she brought from the Enchanted Forest. Granny altered it and added the silver embellishments. It turned out pretty good.”

“‘Pretty good’ is a vast understatement, Love. It truly enhances your beauty. I hope you will wear it again once this trick or treating is over.”

Emma laughed. “Storybrooke doesn’t really have a place where I can wear this type of gown.”

Killian leaned in to whisper in her ear. “It looks lovely on you, but it would also look lovely on my bedroom floor.”

“You know that hasn’t worked out well for us in the past because of Granny’s werewolf hearing.”

“Hmmm. I guess we’ll just have to come up with a way to keep you quiet while you’re in the throes of passion, Love.”

“I’m not the only one who makes noise. If you recall, you’re the one who…”

“Would you two stop being all lovey-dovey and come on?” Henry called over his shoulder.

Emma and Killian exchanged amused glances and increased their pace.

They soon began seeing other costumed townspeople walking up and down the sidewalks. Children were racing up on porches, knocking and shrieking “Trick or treat!” as soon as the doors opened.

Henry joined the fray while Emma and Killian remained on the sidewalk, heads swiveling to take in all of the colorful, creative costumes on both the children and their parents. As they moved closer to the center of town, Emma noticed Killian had become rather quiet. While earlier, he was making astute and amusing observations about the costumes, now he barely spoke a word. She also noted the puzzled and somewhat sad expression he wore.

By the time they reached the clock tower, Emma was beginning to worry about her boyfriend. He didn’t seem to be having any fun and she had to practically drag him along from one place to another. Even seeing Archie dressed as Woody, the cowboy from the Toy Story movies, with Pongo in a Slinky Dog costume didn’t cheer him up.

Henry was oblivious to Hook’s discomfort, too busy sprinting from house to house and business to business with his bulging treat bag. When he ran up to them and breathlessly asked if he could finish trick or treating with his friends and join them at Granny’s later, Emma readily agreed. She was eager to go somewhere private and talk to Killian, hopefully finding out what was bothering him.

Grabbing his hand, she pulled him into a nearby alley. Fully aware that asking him if he was alright would lead to him insisting he was fine, she cut to the chase. “Hey, Killian, tell me what’s wrong. And don’t say nothing, because I can read you like an open book, too.”

He sighed heavily and looked down, studying his boots for several seconds. Then he raised his head and used his hook to gesture toward the street. “What do you see out there, Swan?”

Emma kept her eyes on him for another moment or two before turning to look at the chaotic scene. “I see a bunch of kids dressed in costumes, running around like maniacs, chasing a week-long sugar high. I also see silly-looking adults who dressed up just to please their kids.”

“Do you know what I see?”

“You don’t see the same thing?”

“Aye, but it seems many people, young and old, are dressed as pirates.”

“Yeah, pirates are always a popular costume choice for Halloween. You should take that as a compliment. You know what they say - imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.”

“Look closer, Swan. The majority of them have a plastic hook over their hand.”

Emma turned to face him. “That bothers you?” she asked softly.

He gave a slight shrug. “Wouldn’t it bother you if people made fun of your…disability?”

Emma felt like kicking herself. Why had she failed to recognize the possibility that he would interpret the costume accessory to be a source of mockery?

“Oh, Killian,” she said. “I don’t think they’re making fun of you. It’s just that you’re one of the only pirates they know and you have a hook. I saw a couple of them with red knit hats like Smee’s.”

“A hat is quite different from my hook. I wear it out of necessity. I find it insulting that they would treat it as a source of amusement.”

Emma saw the same hurt in Killian’s eyes that she had seen on a few occasions when he felt inadequate because he lacked a hand. She reached up to cup his face, brushing her thumbs over his cheekbones. “Do you remember when we went out on our first date? When you made that deal with Gold to give you your hand back?”

“Of course. I felt like a whole man for the first time in centuries.”

“When you gave me that rose, I didn’t even realize you were using your hand until my mother brought it to my attention.”

“That only proves you weren’t being very observant,” he grumbled.

“No, it shows that it doesn’t matter to me whether you have a hook or a hand. I see you for the person you are - the sweet, thoughtful, protective, devilishly handsome man who won my heart.” She pushed up to her toes and kissed him, then murmured against his lips, “Besides, you’re very proficient with that hook in certain…intimate situations.”

A grin spread across his face. “You do seem to enjoy me wearing it on those occasions.”

“Mmhmm, and I don’t consider it a disability because you’ve definitely proven you have a lot of ability to use it for very enjoyable purposes.”

Killian ran his nose along the slope of her throat. “Perhaps I’ll show you just how proficient I am with it later tonight.”

Emma bit her bottom lip. “I have been practicing a silencing spell that would soundproof your room. Do you, uh…would you like for me to try it tonight?”

“Aye, Love,” he murmured, nibbling on her earlobe.

“What if it…doesn’t work?” she gasped.

“Well, then, I suppose I’ll have to turn my charm on Lady Lucas to encourage her to ignore what she hears.”

Emma’s giggle was cut short by Henry asking, “Are you guys coming to the party? I want to win best group costume.”

They hadn’t heard him approach and both jumped slightly. Emma’s face reddened immediately and Hook took pleasure in seeing the color spread as far down as the widely scooped neck of her gown.

“We’ll be right there, lad. Just give us a minute to finish our…discussion.”

Henry rolled his eyes. “I’m not stupid. I know you guys came in here to make out. Stop being gross and come on.” He turned on his heel and headed toward the diner.

Emma looked at Killian with a mischievous grin. “My dad’s right - it’s quite satisfying to be able to embarrass my kid. But we better go. If we miss Granny giving out the prizes, he’s never gonna forgive us.”

Killian grimaced slightly. “I’ll be along in a minute. I just need to…”

Understanding suddenly dawned on Emma. She glanced down, then back up, amusement dancing in her eyes. “Yeah, you’re right. I guess it wouldn’t do for Aragorn to win best costume while sporting a very prominent bulge in his trousers!”

*********

They made it to the judging in time and unanimously won the award for best group costume. Once the party wound down, Emma said goodnight to Henry and watched him leave with Regina, gripping his huge bag of candy and the trophy. Then she and Killian covertly left the diner to slip off to his room in the boarding house.

Emma performed the silencing spell to perfection, despite her pirate trying to distract her in the most pleasurable of ways. And Killian was correct - Emma’s dress did look fetching on his bedroom floor, but not as fetching as the woman who had worn it, writhing and moaning beneath him as he showed her new tricks with his hook.

Afterwards, they agreed their lovemaking was the best treat of the day.

*********

Thank you for reading! Happy Autumn!

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[phantom-heartbeat]

Does anyone with Cs/WCS wanna chat about it?

Does it feel like you're more of a zombie? A vampire? Something else?

Does it fluctuate or stay the same every episode?

What conditions do you have influence it and how (if any)?

What are the main and rare physical sensations?

What are tricks that help you? How did you find what works and what doesn't?

What makes it worse?

I'll start.

I often feel a mix of creatures, undead or generally nonhuman. But primarily zombie, vampire, siren or some sort of living dead thing that either isn't supposed to be on land or function like a living human.

It fluctuates a lot every episode, more often than not when I don't realize it is an episode i feel cybernetic or robotic, I'm only starting to recognize that as my more common episodes now. The more subtle ones at least.

My anemia, arthritis and other physical disabilities I have all effect it, but having DID means it can change and present differently based on who's fronting too.

My anemia makes me cold as a corpse most days, low blood circulation and pale complexion in top of being a walking icicle has made me a target for vampire comments growing up, my need for iron often feels like a thirst for blood. It can also feel like a hunger for flesh especially if I haven't eaten or slept properly when you take my Ed and insomnia into count.

The aches caused by my arthritis and chronic pain are more often than not soothed by water, making me feel like I need to go back to the ocean or sea to get out of this human skin and feel better and more free where my body is better suited. I often find myself violently scratching at my skin either because of eczema or something else which only contributes to the idea

That list goes on for a while

The main sensations are completely weighted like my body is just actual dead weight, heavy limbs and all, manual breathing switches on and my joints and limbs ache like they're going to fall off or are sore from being locked rigor mortis or because they're currently in rigor mortis. I'm not sure how to explain it but I'll also feel as if organs are missing.

There's also rarely ever feeling hunger and if I do it's cravings, not the sweet tooth kind, same with the need for other bodily functions.

Some rare feelings are a drill going through my head, not in the headache sense, my heart briefly stopping, things crawling on or under my skin, electricity running through my body and my teeth changing.

Tricks that sometimes help me are eating something, a snack or a meal just help me remember the body still needs it, checking for my pulse though it can be a hit or miss if the episode is really bad, and something cold like ice to shock my senses into resetting and waking up.

I found out most of them through anxiety attacks or times I felt really sick, I just kept using them because they seemed to help. There was a bit of trial and error, I found people reassuring me I'm alive and basically reality checking me doesn't help at all just makes me uncomfortable to be around them at worst and in one ear out the other at best. Often when someone tries giving me reassurance my brain treats it as a bold faced lie.

Mentally my depression and trauma or triggers all make the episodes worse, especially if I have trouble finding my pulse on my neck out of panic, or times I just can't taste things or my senses feel off. But overall times I feel sick are when my brain starts getting convinced I'm on my deathbed any second now or the body has finally given up.

I'm happy to answer any questions

What's it like for you?